It is tough.
No question about it.
Agree with a lot of stuff you write.
On the other hand you could also say it's not tough at all.
If you expect nothing.
I compared myself to african children who grow up in the dirt, sleep on the naked earth, worrying about the next meal.
This is not a 'cracy comparison'. Most of the world, the vast mayority of humans on earth, lives shittier than you.
Africa. Middle east. India. Most of the world.
You live in Germany? One of the richest nations on earth. I am austria.
Good quality water basically free into your room. Social welfare state.
Go to http://www.globalrichlist.com/. If you earn 800euros per months, you are in the top 15% of richest persons in the world.
You just need a plan, one you chose. One that makes you feel better than others.
(Perhaps not the most healthy psychological attitude longterm, but a good start to get some energy making one go *somewhere*).
Eg I did this:
Don't have a car. Don't do holiday. Don't eat/drink outside mindlessly.
Get informed about all the social welfare stuff that you can get, and get it all.
Work something. See your money grow and grow. Get into crypto speculating.
If you think about moving out: Rent the smallest cheapest shithole you can find (in a city).
Find something you enjoy doing. And get good at it. And start doing it for other people, first for free, later for tiny money, then for more and more.
If you have the shittiest low paying job now, it's probably possible to slowly earn same amount of money with that activity. Fast forward 10 years and suddenly you earn much much more per hour. And you have big money in bank.
Approach ugly girls. Have sex with ugly girls. Ugly girls who find you attractive do all kinds of dirty stuff for you.
Get into fitness and working out. I did it at home with pullup bar and weights.
Get free psychotherapy - this could be hard. In my case i was lucky, i was a university student and they had free psychotherapy for all students (!).
That shall be just inspiration. That was my plan.
Ok, fuck - you had a great weight loss? That's a big big big accomplishment. Not many people can do that. And it's really really hard.
So that is a big thing you did at 18, that eg countless older people don't manage to do, they stay fat till they die.
So that is a project you already did.
Steroids: they are illegal, one buys them in the internet. You have to search for a community that discusses good places to buy to not get ripped off or poisoned.
If you are broke i don't know if that's the right call (you have to take this stuff for the rest of your life to keep the effects).
At your age i was depressed, no job, lived at home, 200 euros in bank, supershy, was supersure that no woman in the rest of my life will ever sleep with me.
Now 15 years later i am very stable mentally, am a 'professional' in a field, am in top 4% richest people in the world (it's not special, most people in the world are fucking poor) , fucked over 50 women (for free), some threesomes, i teach other people how to be on the stage and how to hold speeches.
I know perhaps you are a harder case, just as an example.